Surrender To God's Timing

last fri i didnt come to God and spend my time wit Him which i usually have to do. next day, sat, i didn pray b4 i go to youth meeting thou i was suppose to share bible study. next morning, sun, i didn pray b4 i play piano on the stage. tis whole weekend i was terrible.

i was complaing to God last fri due to my career. after work, i drove to a place near my house, i didn straightly go back home, cuz i wanna make sure my tears are dry up then only i back home. when i was driving, i cried, i complaint, i scolded:
"am i not faithful to God?"
"wat have i done? tat caused me in tis kind of situation?"
"obedience bring consequences also?"
i was thinking why ppl around me can get a good job, even those who didn put much efford as i did, but i'm working in such company. nvr deny, i put alots efford in study, i serve God, i put God as my first priority, but y??
as i pray for food as usual, i heard a voice:" y do u stil pray to Him?"
as i wanna prepare my bible study (topic is obedience), i find very heavy to prepare
when my sis ask me bout preparation for sat youth n young adult meeting, i felt heavy to do it, i dun like she ask me so many things, cant i do wat i wanna do now? wat do i get when i do so much of things for Him, is there anyone wil appreciate it?
when i serve on the stage during the sun service, i find no reason to serve n worship Him with the instrument.. i heard "y r u on the stage? y didn u prepare lyrics slide?" i felt heavy n guilty..

y was i so evil tis whole weekend? i knew God is not wat i tot, but i just felt His presence and love is so far from me... i hate Him, but i really dun dare to leave Him, i dun dare to deny Him bcuz i know if i leave Him, i'm nothing, i've nothing..
yesterday nite (sun nite), i came back to Him, i cried, i complaint, i prayed...

so tis morning, i opened up the email sent by Teh Eng Chuan, who always forward christian mail to me n ppl around me. title is "Trusting God's Timing"
and i surrendered.. surrendered to God's timing..
sorry God..